Awake
by apostleofanime
Summary: Cloud had a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Reno, what is all this?" The red haired man turned around, and for once his expression was serious. Melancholy, even. "This is all of Zack's stuff we could save." - Cloud revisits the past, and tries to move on. Revival part One


Cloud was crouched down in the garage, trying to work on Fenrir. She had been due for an engine tune up for some time now, but he had simply been too busy to do the repairs, That was one of his reasons for taking some time off, apart from spending time off of the dusty, bumpy roads of the towns surrounding the Midgar ruins. He could hear to sounds of patrons of Seventh Heaven through the wall, louder as the evening approached and the alcohol intake increased. Cloud was considering turning on the old radio in the corner when there was a banging on the garage door.

"Bar is around the front!" He called out. People often came through the alley, and thought that they could get to the bar through the large retractable door.

"Ain't here for the bar, Cloud." The voice on the other side was painfully familiar as one Cloud had heard shouting across rooms, tables, phone lines and radios, always in varying states of vulgarity, assholery, or intoxication. Reno. Knowing that ignoring him would only cause the other man to increase in volume, and remembering that Marlene and Denzel were upstairs, Cloud decided to just go outside and deal with the red haired atrocity. He opened the door, and squinted slightly at the golden evening light that poured into the room.

"I told you I wasn't doing any deliveries until Friday. What do you want?" Cloud said.

"Aw, don't be like that. I don't want nothin'. We got something for you."

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "I really hope it isn't a dead body. Or some caged monster you can't kill."

"Ain't like that." Reno replied, rounding the corner to the front of the bar.

On the street was a large black van, Rude standing next to it. Cloud nodded to him, and the larger man nodded back. After a couple of awkward morning kitchen encounters, Cloud decided it was easiest to be polite. He still hadn't told Tifa he knew about the two of them, but that was an issue for another time. Reno gestured to Rude, and he turned around, opening the back doors of the van. Before Cloud could ask, Reno spoke.

"We had this stuff sittin' in one of the safe houses. Would've brought it over earlier, but we ain't exactly been on speakin' terms until recently, as you know." Reno smirked, seemingly amused by their newfound status as allies. "Sides, between me an' you, Tseng didn't want to deal with it. Never got over not sendin' us to find you two on time. Not that he'll admit it. I think that's why he took all this before it got incinerated. That's what they do with ex-employees things, in SOLDIER. The Turks too, most likely. Hopefully we won't find out too soon."

Cloud had a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Reno, what is all this?"

The red haired man turned around, and for once his expression was serious. Melancholy, even.

"This is all of Zack's stuff we could save."

* * *

Cloud stood in front of the stack of boxes in his room. They had been sitting there for almost a week now, while he gathered up the nerve to open them. Cloud pulled a box off the top of the stack. He set it on the bed, and stood over in, staring down at it and gnawing on his lower lip. He sat down next to it, and lifted the lid. Stale air wafted out of it, and Cloud picked up the item on top. It was an old T-shirt, worn and soft. What had once likely been dark green was faded and stained, the logo on the front practically unrecognizable as the old Shin-Ra symbol. Without thinking, cloud raised the shirt to his face and breathed deeply.

It smelt like nothing but cardboard and dust. Throwing the item down, Cloud stood, turning away from the box and exiting the room.

* * *

The next day found him back in his room, the box from the previous day back on his bed. He sat in front of it, and took the lid off once again. He hadn't seen it the day before, but what had been underneath the shirt was a brown envelope. With trembling fingers Cloud opened it, and removed its contents. It was a stack of photographs. No sooner had he taken them out then Marlene and Denzel came rushing through the door.

"Cloud! Denzel took my doll!"

"Did not! I don't want your stupid doll!"

"You do! You took her, and I- hey what's that?" Marlene ran over to the bed. "Hey, Cloud, are you cleaning? Can I help? What are those?" Marlene rushed out, apparently fascinated by the box on Cloud's bed, having forgotten about Denzel's supposed crime against her doll.

Tifa appeared at the door, summoned by the earlier shouting. "What's going on up here?" She said, hands on her hips.

"Cloud's cleaning! I'm gonna help." Marlene replied. Tifa's eyes swept over the room. Realizing what the boxes were, she frowned.

"Marlene, those aren't your things. Why don't we leave Cloud-"

"It's alright, Tifa." Cloud said, his voice soft. He had been trying hard not to send the kids away so often. They always looked so sad, when he did. "Marlene and Denzel can stay."

Tifa furrowed her eyebrows and stared at him, obviously trying to decide whether letting the children stay was a good idea. Eventually her face softened. "Okay. I may as well help too, then."

With a squeal, Marlene jumped on the bed, delighted to be allowed to help Cloud, and Denzel and Tifa approached. Marlene immediately dug into the box, yanking out some clothes. A hoodie almost as large as her, worn out jeans, a long sleeved black shirt, made from temperature adjusting fabric. Denzel looked over at Cloud, then down at the pile of photos in his lap. He picked up the first one on the pile, and turned it over to see the image.

"Hey, Cloud, It's you!" Cloud looked over. His younger face smiled up at him, eyes wide and face flushed.

"And that weird red haired guy!" Marlene added, pointing at Reno, who was also in the picture. Thankfully he was decent in this one, though Cloud was sure that there were pictures that were not for young eyes. If he remembered correctly, nudity and intoxication went hand in hand with Reno.

Tifa looked over at the photo. "Cloud, oh my goodness! You look like you did back before you left Nibelheim! So little and cute." Tifa laughed, reaching to try and pinch Cloud's cheek. He smiled softly, and swiped her hand away.

"Cloud, who is this?" Marlene asked, pointing to the other man in the picture. Cloud looked down, and Tifa tried to intercept.

"Marlene, why don't-"

"Its okay, Tifa. Really." Cloud looked up at her. "It's okay." He picked up the photo. From the glossy paper, Zack smiled up at him. Cloud hadn't seen so much as a picture of him since his death. His eyes shone brilliant blue, his hair spiked backwards. The curve of his mouth and angle of his jaw were exactly as Cloud remembered. His cheeky grin held the promise of mischief and humor; his arm was wrapped around Cloud's waist, and Cloud's head was leaning into his shoulder. Zack's other arm was wrapped around Reno's neck on his other side. Cloud turned to Marlene.

"His name is-" he paused. Of course, it was all past tense. "Was. His name was Zack."

"Is he dead?" Marlene asked, eyes wide. Gods, he wished that she had not seen the kinds of things that lead her to that conclusion so quickly.

"Yes. He is." Cloud replied. Zack was dead, and saying so still felt like a punch to the gut.

"How did he die?" Denzel asked, eyes rising from the photo.

Tifa still looked ready to jump in, but Cloud responded.

"He died because he was very brave. Bad people wanted to hurt us." Cloud took a deep breath. "He died to save me."

The room was quiet, everyone in it taking in what Cloud said. For a moment, Cloud was scared he had said too much. What were kids supposed to know about this stuff, anyway? Then Denzel spoke.

"He saved you like you saved us." Cloud stared at Denzel, shock on his features.

Denzel blushed, and looked away. "I mean, when those guys took me and Marlene, you saved us, even though you could have gotten hurt."

"Yeah, those mean guys tried to hurt us and you didn't let them!" Marlene added in, grabbing Cloud's arm.

Cloud didn't reply. He didn't know how. It felt like he was frozen in place, unable to respond to what Denzel and Marlene said. He wasn't like Zack. He wasn't. He hadn't been able to save him, for one thing. He wasn't able to save Aerith, or stop Shin-Ra. If it hadn't been for Aerith and Zack's interference from the life stream (or just Cloud's hallucinations, he still wasn't entirely sure which it was) he might not have defeated Sephiroth and the Remnants a second time. Even that, in all honestly, had been largely the combined efforts of Avalanche and the Turks. Reno and Rude had done most of the damage to the other two remnants, Cloud only really fought Kadaj.

"Cloud?" Tifa's voice broke through his stupor. He looked up at her; she was looking at him with concern all over her face. For all she wouldn't let him get away with self-pity, Cloud knew it worried her when he got lost in his own head. Tifa turned away from him, and addressed Marlene and Denzel.

"Do you two remember what I taught you about making my special lemon chicken?" The kids nodded enthusiastically. "Good. Can you go start making the marinade for me? We can have that for dinner." The two ran off, eager to be given a task to help with. With them gone, Tifa turned back to Cloud. "You okay?" Cloud swallowed, and nodded.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could handle it, I just…."

"It's fine. You don't have anything to apologize for." Tifa said, placing a hand on his shoulder. They sat in silence for a time, Tifa holding on to Cloud's shoulder. It was how things had always been between them. While Tifa was always willing to beat some sense into him, she cared more about Cloud's wellbeing then just about anyone else.

"I better head downstairs, and make sure the kids aren't burning down the house. You going to be okay up here?" Tifa asked, standing up.

"Yes. I'll be fine. Thank you, Tifa." Tifa smiled down at him, and exited the room. Cloud could hear the soft sounds of her talking to Marlene and Denzel. He could have easily listened in, but he didn't want to violate her privacy. The enhancements that were so useful on fights were nothing but a nuisance during day to day life. He hoped he hadn't upset Marlene and Denzel, but he seemed to have a talent for doing so. He knew they looked up to him (he still wasn't sure that was a good idea, given his own childhood), that he was supposed to be a father figure of some kind. Maybe he could do something, try and make it up to them. The park? Tifa sometimes took them to the park. And maybe for shaved ice.

Everyone liked that, especially kids. Whenever a vending cart went through a sector all the slum kids scrambled for it. That's what he would do. That was all he could do.

* * *

Cloud and Tifa stood watching Marlene and Denzel run around with a few other kids on the play structure. It was sunset, and they had come from the shaved ice cart near the bar.

"They liked this, Cloud. I'm glad you suggested it." Tifa said, leaning into him. \

"I wanted to do something. I'm not around all the time, and I feel like when I am I only upset them." Cloud replied, responding by squeezing her hand.

Tifa didn't say anything. They both knew what he said was true; Cloud was a mess, and if he wanted to be there for Marlene and Denzel he had to try and get himself together. There was a time, back in Nibelheim, back as kids, when Cloud and Tifa had some sort of childish romance. Those days were long gone, and adulthood had taken them far from the promise of an innocent small town love. They still had an intimacy, though, beyond ordinary friendship. He was glad Tifa had found something with Rude, however strange it may be. He supposed it was considered strange to be raising two children with his best friend, but the one Cloud loved was long gone, and there was no one he would rather stay with than Tifa.

"You know, yesterday was the first time you really talked about him in a long time." Tifa said. "You never bring him up, not even the good things."

Cloud looked down at her, then back to the playground. It was true, he never talked about Zack. Aerith came up in conversation, because the others had known her, but none of them knew Zack, really. Tifa had known him only in passing, and Reeve may have encountered him, but the only ones aside from Cloud who remembered him were a few Turks.

"It's hard to remember him without thinking of the bad things. Without thinking of them slicing us apart, of his body lying in the badlands. I try to remember him before Nibelheim, but it's almost impossible." Cloud said, his voice hoarse.

Tifa moved her head off of his shoulder, and looked up at him. "Maybe it would help, if you talked about him. If you talked about the good things." She paused. "I remember, when I met him, I ended up taking you two to that little bar on Sakja Street, remember? I seem to remember that ending in him on the bar performing desert folk ballads."

Without meaning to, Cloud burst out laughing. "Oh god, he would always sing when he was drunk, it was awful. It was even worse if he was out with Reno, the two of them were unstoppable. And Reno would start singing slum drinking songs, with his accent and everything. I still don't know what he was singing."

Tifa began to laugh as well, and the two of them reveled in the memory of a man one had barely known and the other had known too well. Eventually they calmed down, and didn't say anything else for a while. It was Cloud that spoke, when the quiet was broken.

"I promised him" Cloud began, trying to find the right words "When he was dying, I promised him something. I promised him that I would live out both of our lives. That I would live, for the both of us. That's what he said to me- that I had to live for us both." Tifa shifted, angling herself towards Cloud. He glanced at her, then continued. "I- I promised him that. And I don't know if I've made good on that promise. I don't think I have." Tifa opened her mouth as if to interrupt, but Cloud held up a hand to stop her. "I don't think I've fulfilled my promise to him. I don't know if I even will. But I know one thing." Cloud looked out over the playground, at Marlene and Denzel playing and running. "I know he would have loved this. All of it- Marlene and Denzel, our friends, Seventh Heaven. It would have made him so happy, to see the family we have now. He liked being around people, you know? All he wanted was good friends and a family." Cloud swallowed back the lump in his throat- if he cried, it would worry Marlene and Denzel. "I think that's maybe enough. That I have a life he would have loved, you know? Maybe that's enough."

* * *

They were washing dishes after closing up the bar one day when Tifa brought it up again.

"You and Zack. You weren't just friends, were you." She said it as less of a question and more of a statement. Tifa was a smart woman, and Cloud a bad liar.

He set down the dish he was drying, because suspected his hands might tremble and he didn't want to break it. "How did you know?"

Tifa turned off the tap and sets the last glass on the drying rack. She didn't look surprised, but then Cloud didn't expect her to. "When you talk about him, you look like my dad did when he used to talk about my mom." She said, moving to sit at the table. "He could never talk about her for long without looking like his heart was breaking."

Cloud sat silently, staring down at the worn brown wood of the kitchen table. It was real wood, he thought, not the synthetic stuff that most furniture was made of. It was from back when there were enough trees in the area to use them on furniture. The grains swirled and met in unpredictable patterns, scratched and dented in many places from years of use, marks from knives and stains from kid's school projects. He looked up at Tifa. Her big brown eyes were focused on him.

"He was the love of my life, Tifa."

She reached across the table and took his hand. Both of their arms were covered in scars and marks from so many years of fighting. He was glad they were safe, he really was- or at least, he was glad she and the kids were safe, and their friends. But part of him would always hunger for battle, always urge for the fear and adrenaline and wondering if this time it would really, finally be over. But, then again, maybe he didn't have to want it to be.

"I meant what I said, though." Cloud continued, and Tifa tilted her head in confusion. "About him liking this. This life we have. That I think maybe this can be enough."

She smiled at him, softly, and nodded.

"I think it is too."

* * *

Slowly, on the days it didn't hurt too much, Cloud unpacked Zack's things.

Soft, worn t-shirts and spy novels and pocket knives and photographs. He returned a few of them to Reno, because he had cared about Zack in his own weird way. Cloud could have sworn he was actually grateful. He tried to spend more time with the kids. It was awkward, of course it was, but he thought it was a start. He took them to the park every Saturday and let them rant and ramble about what happens to them at school. Rude came by more often, and of course with him came Reno. Tifa looked so comfortably happy that Cloud couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed.

(At least, not too much.)

Besides. The look on Reno's face when Marlene put bows in his hair and declared him queen of the tea party is priceless.

He still went to the badlands, standing on the cliff where Zack bled out and the whole world shattered into pieces. He still spoke to the ground like Zack could hear him, but he didn't apologize anymore. He told him about his day, about the lives of the regulars in the bar, about how many times Tifa had to remind Reno not to have weapons around the children. On bad nights he curled up in Zack's old sweater, still too big on him, and it helped instead of hurting.

Slowly, Cloud thought, he was starting to get better.

 _Hey all._

 _So happy to have posted a FFVII fic! This is part one of a series called Revival, a series of one shots set after AC. As always, critique is welcome._


End file.
